The Lady Speaks

Poking the Bear

Oh my freakin’ Jeebus, people! I’m so pissed and annoyed and… plain freaked out, it’s not funny.

You know how we on the left always wonder just how crazy the Republicans and Bush-Cheney Corporate Headquarters are? Well, wonder no more!

The stupid is so awesome, so intense, so effin’ ridiculous, so burningly awful that it is almost beyond my ability to respond with more than “Oh my god… but… oh holy shit… sweet baby jeebus in the cow trough!!”

From the New York Times:

Poland and the United States struck a deal Thursday that will strengthen military ties and put an American missile interceptor base in Poland, a plan that has infuriated Moscow and sparked fears in Europe of a new arms race.

”We have crossed the Rubicon,” Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk said, referring to U.S. consent to Poland’s demands after more than 18 months of negotiations.

Washington says the planned system, which is not yet operational, is needed to protect the U.S. and Europe from possible attacks by missile-armed ”rogue states” like Iran. The Kremlin, however, feels it is aimed at Russia’s missile force and warns it will worsen tensions.

Um, except Iran is two-three times as far away from Iran as it is from Russia…

Red - Poland; Blue - Russia; Fuschia - Iran.

Red - Poland; Blue - Russia; Fuschia - Iran.

but… um… just ignore that.

U.S. officials also said the timing of the deal was not meant to antagonize Russian leaders at a time when relations already are strained over the recent fighting between Russia and Georgia over the South Ossetia region.

“O hai! Sry, dudez. Srsly!

We didn’t mean to piss you off even more, right as you’re cease-firing from a little war spurred on by our idiot government telling the Georgian president we had his back… and then, um, not. But hey! Good news! Condi’s coming to make things all better… um, or maybe to buy shoes.”

[Tusk] said the deal also includes a ”mutual commitment” between the two nations to come to each other’s assistance ”in case of trouble.”

That clause appeared to be a direct reference to Russia, which has threatened to aim its nuclear-armed missiles at Poland — a former Soviet satellite — if it hosts the U.S. site.

Ummm… is anyone else having flashbacks to the 1980s and The Day After ?

Dr. Landowska: There is a rumor that they are evacuating Moscow. There are people even leaving Kansas City because of the missile base. Now I ask you: To where does one go from Kansas City? The Yukon? Tahiti? We are not talking about Hiroshima anymore. Hiroshima was… was peanuts!
Dr. Russell Oakes: What’s going on? Do you have any idea what’s going on in this world?
Dr. Landowska: Yeah. Stupidity… has a habit of getting its way.

Yep, and this misAdministration isn’t going to be happy until the whole freakin’ world is in flames.

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August 15, 2008 Posted by | America, Bush, Cheney, Condoleeza Rice, Election '08, Government, Iran, Nuclear Weapons, Pentagon, Planet Earth, War, Whacko Nut Cases, White House, WMDs, World Peace | 3 Comments

Murder in Church

Everyone by now has heard about the murders at a Colorado missionary training center and at a megachurch on Sunday

There’s a lot to think about here. The need by the media – especially our faithful ‘War on Christmas and Christians!!” news anchors – to keep mentioning the killer “hated Christians” in big headlines and topical chyrons. All of which fail to mention he was the home-schooled product of a family that was described as “very very religious” and that he was himself a student at the missionary school before being expelled three (or possibly five) years ago for “health reasons.”

This wasn’t an atheist gone berserk, nor a Muslim, nor a member of any other religion. This was a young man, brought up in a hyper-religious Christian family, who went to a missionary training school, and – for reasons we may never understand – came to hate them so much he killed four people, wounded more, and traumatized who knows how many. But you wouldn’t know that unless you listened to the whole program or read it in a much-later paragraph.

Another thing to ponder is that the killer was possibly brought down by an armed security guard.

Think about that for a moment – an armed security guard in a church. Church … guns. Guns … church. Continue reading

December 11, 2007 Posted by | America, Christianity, Religion, Whacko Nut Cases | 2 Comments

Scranton Police Now Language Cops

There’s a reason or a hundred why I hate the Scranton-Wilkes Barre area, most of them relating to the roads and highways which seem to have been designed and built by drunk, one-eyed men with inner ear problems.

But this takes the cake.

A woman was cited for disorderly conduct — for cursing in her own house.

From the Scranton Times-Tribune, via Shakesville:

A West Scranton woman could face up to 90 days in jail and a fine of up to $300 for allegedly shouting profanities at an overflowing toilet while inside her Luzerne Street home.

Dawn Herb, whose potty mouth caught the attention of an off-duty police officer, was charged with disorderly conduct recently, prompting her to fire off a letter to the editor and vow to fight the charge.

“It doesn’t make any sense. I was in my house. It’s not like I was outside or drunk,” said Ms. Herb, who resides at 924 Luzerne St. along with her four young children. “A cop can charge you with disorderly conduct for disrespecting them?”

[snip]

Patrolman Gerald Tallo responded and charged Ms. Herb with disorderly conduct.

The citation accuses the defendant of using obscene language or gestures “with intent to cause public inconvenience, annoyance or alarm or recklessly (creating) a risk …”

Reading farther, I discover that “The use of obscene language or gestures is an offense under the state criminal code.”

What?!

Goddamn. I am in some fuckin’ trouble…. Oops!

October 17, 2007 Posted by | America, Pennsylvania, Whacko Nut Cases, Women | 2 Comments

A Small Price?!

By now, we’re all so inured to the stupidity that rushes out of the average Republican mouth that most of us don’t even bother actually listening to them anymore. Occasionally the dumb comment forces us to pay attention to them – like Florida Rep. Bob Allen’s “I was afraid of the black guy so I offered to suck his willie in a desperate attempt to escape!” or Sen. Larry Craig’s “I have a wide stance…”

We shake our heads sadly and go back to ignoring them in order to preserve our own sanity. And then…

One of them goes and says something so incredibly stupid and derisive, and on national television no less, that – if life were fair – would result in them being dragged by horses into a football stadium, stripped naked in front of the jeering crowd, and then whipped with a cat ‘o nine tails, preferably one with spiked barbs on the end.

Yesterday, House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Assholeville) opened his mouth and became that man.

Read the rest of this entry…

September 13, 2007 Posted by | America, Middle East, Republicans, US Military, War, Whacko Nut Cases | Leave a comment

Religion and Peace

While recently speaking to an new online acquaintance, I began to realize she is a fanatical, hardcore, devoted-to-George, member of the 29%. Among her talking points – culled, no doubt, from Fox News and Michelle Malkin – was “Islam is not a religion of peace! Look at what Muslims do and have done over centuries!”

Which got me thinking….

If a small minority of Christians worldwide, over the centuries, have used and encouraged violence against others in fights for land or natural resources or power or simply to prove theirs was the better god… wouldn’t that mean Christianity is not a religion of peace?

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that all unity may one day be restored
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

New York Times:

An Indonesian court jailed 17 Christians for up to 14 years on Thursday under anti-terrorism laws for the murder of two Muslims.

[snip]

The three were convicted of leading a group that killed hundreds of Muslims at a boarding school during inter-religious violence in Poso in 2000.

Judges at the South Jakarta court found the 17 defendants guilty of “acts of terrorism by the use violence.”

They will know we are Christians by our love

Anti-Defamation League:

Since the summer of 2005 the Topeka, Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church (WBC), led by Fred Phelps, has been picketing funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, with placards reading “Thank God for Dead Soldiers” and “Thank God for IEDs [improvised explosive devices],” while shouting epithets at grieving parents. Phelps believes that the soldiers represent a nation tolerant of homosexuality, and their deaths are God’s direct punishment for their sins.

We will work with each other, we will work side by side
We will work with each other, we will work side by side
And we’ll guard each one’s dignity and save each one’s pride
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

Catholic World News: {May 5, 2004}

About 300 Muslims were killed last Sunday by a Christian militia in Nigeria’s central Plateau state, according to Muslim leaders and local authorities. The killings are part of escalating interreligious violence that has taken the lives of at 700 people over the last three months.

The Christian Tarok tribe and Muslim Fulani tribe have historically clashed over rich farmland in the region, and ethnic and religious divisions in the African country have fuelled the fighting.

They will know we are Christians by our love

PublicEye.org:

A day after the Oklahoma City bombing, Christian Patriots gathered at the International Coalition of Covenant Congregations Conference held at the Lodge of the Ozarks in Branson, Missouri. The conference featured leading figures in the Identity movement, including Pete Peters and Larry Pratt. Pratt, executive director of Gun Owners of America, spoke on the “Biblical Mandate to Arm.”

One of the 550 attendees told Freedom Writer, “I mingled with a lot of people there, and there was not a shred of sympathy for what happened in Oklahoma.” “This is just the beginning,” another person added.

Asked about the innocent children killed in the blast, many of the participants echoed the same response: “What about all the unborn babies killed at abortion clinics?”

[snip]

With 50,000 or more members, operating in more than 30 states, approximately 85% of the militias are comprised of Christian Patriots — though not necessarily Identity Christians. Most Christians, of course, abhor violence, and very few would attempt to justify what happened in Oklahoma City. Still, it is a fact that the militia movement is largely a movement of those calling themselves Christians.

We will walk with each other, we will walk hand in hand
We will walk with each other, we will walk hand in hand
And together we’ll spread the news that God is in our land
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

Wikipedia:

The Crusades were a series of military conflicts of a religious character waged by Christians during 1095–1291, most of which were sanctioned by the Pope in the name of Christendom.[1] The Crusades had the goal of recapturing Jerusalem and the sacred “Holy Land” from Muslim rule and were originally launched in response to a call from the Eastern Orthodox Byzantine Empire for help against the expansion of the Muslim Seljuq dynasty into Anatolia.[2][3]

They will know we are Christians by our love

www.law.umkc.edu:

From June through September of 1692, nineteen men and women, all having been convicted of witchcraft, were carted to Gallows Hill, a barren slope near Salem Village, for hanging. Another man of over eighty years was pressed to death under heavy stones for refusing to submit to a trial on witchcraft charges. Hundreds of others faced accusations of witchcraft. Dozens languished in jail for months without trials. Then, almost as soon as it had begun, the hysteria that swept through Puritan Massachusetts ended.

By our love, by our love

July 26, 2007 Posted by | America, Christianity, Religion, Whacko Nut Cases | 4 Comments

Gimme A Break Already

Yesterday, crazed Talibangelicals attacked en masse … er, in a group of three, bringing the Senate to a halt … well, slowing it down a tad, before being dragged away by shrieking harpies and flying monkeys … er, by security.

The problem? A Hindu priest offering the morning invocation.

Oh, the horror!

From TPM Election Central:

The three protesters, who all belong to the Christian Right anti-abortion group Operation Save America, and who apparently traveled to Washington all the way from North Carolina, interrupted by loudly asking for God’s forgiveness for allowing the false prayer of a Hindu in the Senate chamber.

“Lord Jesus, forgive us father for allowing a prayer of the wicked, which is an abomination in your sight,” the first protester began.

“This is an abomination,” he continued. “We shall have no other gods before You.”

The group these Talibangelicals belong to issued a press release:

Theology Moved to the Senate and was Arrested

Theology has moved from the church house onto the floor of the United States Senate, and has been arrested.

Ante Pavkovic, Kathy Pavkovic, and Kristen Sugar were all arrested in the chambers of the United States Senate as that chamber was violated by a false Hindu god. The Senate was opened with a Hindu prayer placing the false god of Hinduism on a level playing field with the One True God, Jesus Christ. This would never have been allowed by our Founding Fathers.

“Not one Senator had the backbone to stand as our Founding Fathers stood. They stood on the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

Ummmm…… No. (Or “Sadly, No!” – to coin a phrase)

Our Founding Fathers, especially John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, and many others, believed religion held no place in the workings of government.

In 1831, the Reverend Doctor Bird Wilson had this to say, in a sermon given in Albany NY:

“The founders of our nation were nearly all Infidels, and that of the presidents who had thus far been elected [Washington; Adams; Jefferson; Madison; Monroe; Adams; Jackson] not a one had professed a belief in Christianity….

“Among all our presidents from Washington downward, not one was a professor of religion, at least not of more than Unitarianism.”

To wit, Thomas Jefferson:

Where the preamble declares, that coercion is a departure from the plan of the holy author of our religion, an amendment was proposed by inserting “Jesus Christ,” so that it would read “A departure from the plan of Jesus Christ, the holy author of our religion;” the insertion was rejected by the great majority, in proof that they meant to comprehend, within the mantle of its protection, the Jew and the Gentile, the Christian and Mohammedan, the Hindoo and Infidel of every denomination. [my emphasis]

Autobiography, in reference to the Virginia Act for Religious Freedom

Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because if there be one he must approve of the homage of reason more than that of blindfolded fear.

Letter to Peter Carr, August 10, 1787

Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity.

Notes on Virginia, 1782

I concur with you strictly in your opinion of the comparative merits of atheism and demonism, and really see nothing but the latter in the being worshipped by many who think themselves Christians.

Letter to Richard Price, Jan. 8, 1789 (Richard Price had written to TJ on Oct. 26. about the harm done by religion and wrote “Would not Society be better without Such religions? Is Atheism less pernicious than Demonism?”)

Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law.

Letter to Dr. Thomas Cooper, February 10, 1814

John Adams:

As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is, a revelation. But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?

Letter to FA Van der Kamp, December 27, 1816

I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved — the Cross. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!

Letter to Thomas Jefferson

“Checks and Ballances, Jefferson, however you and your Party may have derided them, are our only Security, for the progress of Mind, as well as the Security of Body. Every Species of these Christians would persecute Deists, as soon as either Sect would persecute another, if it had unchecked and unballanced Power. Nay, the Deists would persecute Christians, and Atheists would persecute Deists, with as unrelenting Cruelty, as any Christians would persecute them or one another. Know thyself, human Nature!”

Letter to Thomas Jefferson, 25 June 1813

George Washington:

Among many other weighty objections to the Measure, it has been suggested, that it has a tendency to introduce religious disputes into the Army, which above all things should be avoided, and in many instances would compel men to a mode of Worship which they do not profess.

Letter to John Hancock [then-president of Congress] in 1777, opposing a Congressional plan to appoint brigade chaplains in the Continental Army

James Madison:

…Freedom arises from the multiplicity of sects, which prevades America and which is the best and only security for religious liberty in any society. For where there is such a variety of sects, there cannot be a majority of any one sect to oppress and persecute the rest.

Spoken at the Virginia convention on ratifying the Constitution, June 1778

What influence, in fact, have ecclesiastical establishments had on society? In some instances they have been seen to erect a spiritual tyranny on the ruins of the civil authority; on many instances they have been seen upholding the thrones of political tyranny; in no instance have they been the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wish to subvert the public liberty may have found an established clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate it, needs them not. [emphasis mine]

Address to the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Virginia, 1785

The experience of the United States is a happy disproof of the error so long rooted in the unenlightened minds of well-meaning Christians, as well as in the corrupt hearts of persecuting usurpers, that without a legal incorporation of religious and civil polity, neither could be supported. A mutual independence is found most friendly to practical Religion, to social harmony, and to political prosperity.

– Letter to F.L. Schaeffer, Dec 3, 1821

Benjamin Franklin:

If Christian preachers had continued to teach as Christ and his Apostles did, without salaries, and as the Quakers now do, I imagine tests would never have existed; for I think they were invented, not so much to secure religion itself, as the emoluments of it. When a religion is good, I conceive that it will support itself; and, when it cannot support itself, and God does not take care to support, so that its professors are obliged to call for the help of the civil power, it is a sign, I apprehend, of its being a bad one. [emphasis mine]

To Richard Price (a Friend, or Quaker), 9 October 1780

The faith you mention has doubtless its use in the world; I do not desire to see it diminished, nor would I endeavour to lessen it in any man. But I wish it were more productive of good works than I have generally seen it: I mean real good works, works of kindness, charity, mercy, and publick spirit; not holiday-keeping, sermon-reading or hearing, performing church ceremonies, or making long prayers, filled with flatteries or compliments, despised even by wise men, and much less capable of pleasing the deity. […]

Your great Master thought much less of these outward appearances and professions than many of his modern disciples. He preferred the doers of the word to the mere hearers; the son that seemingly refused to obey his Father and yet performed his commands, to him that professed his readiness but neglected the works; the heretical but charitable Samaritan, to the uncharitable though orthodox priest and sanctified Levite; and those who gave food to the hungry, drink to the thirsty, raiment to the naked, entertainment to the stranger, and relief to the sick, etc. though they never heard of his name, he declares shall in the last day be accepted, when those who cry Lord, Lord; who value themselves on their faith though great enough to perform miracles but have neglected good works shall be rejected. [emphasis mine]

To Joseph Huey, 6 June 1753

 

 

 

 

July 13, 2007 Posted by | America, Christianity, Religion, Whacko Nut Cases | 3 Comments

Chicken-Plucking Factories?!


“Er… Monkey go, ‘ooh-ooh’?”

We’ve known for some time that our President is a few crayons short of a box, but what in the name of hell was he rambling about? I mean, did he take too many meds – or not enough? Drink too much – or not enough?

This is the so-called “Leader of the free world” speaking to a (pre-screened, no doubt) audience in Ohio:

“There are jobs Americans aren’t doing. … If you’ve got a chicken factory, a chicken-plucking factory, or whatever you call them, you know what I’m talking about.”

“I’ve been in politics long enough to know that polls just go poof at times.”

“There are some similarities, of course” between Iraq and Vietnam. “Death is terrible.”

God/dess help the free world!

We have got a pretty big problem when even the Associated Press is noticing he’s running off at the mouth:

Maybe the president just felt like jabbering at the town hall-style event in Tipp City, Ohio. He began talking about terrorism and ended 90 minutes later after chattering about everything from life after the White House to Vietnam War and the brutal Khmer Rouge regime.

[snip]

As he has before, Bush told the story about how his first presidential decision was to pick a rug for the Oval Office, a task he quickly cast to his wife. He told her to make sure the rug reflected optimism “because you can’t make decisions unless you’re optimistic that the decisions you make will lead to a better tomorrow.”

Later, when he talked about his hope for succeeding in Iraq, Bush said, “Remember the rug?”

April 19, 2007 Posted by | America, Bush, Whacko Nut Cases | 2 Comments

Michael Medved – Idiot

I love Travis at Sadly, No! because he’s willing to brave the Townhall in order to spare the rest of us.

Normally, I feel no need to actually read a post by one of these Townhall “columnists”  – mainly because I feel the overwhelming need to shower after doing so, and two or three showers a day is just silly…not to mention expensive.

Today, however, I was intrigued by the Shorter Michael Medved and – yes, dear reader! – actually went to the site of much bile and spew, and forced myself to read it.

Actually it took three tries. My computer was apparently horrified at being told to go into this conservative lair and had to be rebooted twice before it would comply. (I also had to bribe it with a complete ScanDisk and a DeFrag.)

Anyway, here’s Medved’s premise: in preparing for the Passover Seder with his family, he “stumbled across one of the most important conservative verse in the Hebrew Scriptures.”

 “Leviticus 19:15 declares: ‘You shall not commit a perversion of justice: you shall not favor the poor and you shall not honor the great, with righteousness shall you judge your fellow.'”

Now, I could snark about how this is a “Christian” country and whatnot. But what would be the point? The mouth-breathers wouldn’t get it.

Instead, let’s check out some other verses from Leviticus 19, from the King James Version of the Christian Bible:

Lev. 19:19 – Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.

Hmmm…. I hope Medved remembers not to mix fabrics in his clothing.

Lev. 19:27 – Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.

This is the picture of Medved above his little “column” at Townhall, enlarged to show detail:

medvedmoron.gif

Ummmm…. Where’s Medved’s beard?!

Lev. 19:33-34 – And if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall not vex him.

But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.

Imagine that! A verse that tells us not to vex immigrants! Immigrant-bashers are thus ignoring God’s command!

Now, what Medved doesn’t say, but I will, is that if you consider yourself a Christian, then you must then believe that Christ came not only to save humanity from their sins, but to fulfill (and thus end) the old laws, one of which would be Medved’s beloved conservative verse. (See Matthew 5:17-18, Luke 6:17, and Romans 3:31.)

This verse really only works for those conservatives who do not believe in Christ.

April 12, 2007 Posted by | America, Conservatives, Whacko Nut Cases | 2 Comments

When Five-year-olds Are Smarter Than CongressCritters

Senator John “Batshit Insane” McCain and Representative Mike “Safe as Indiana” Pence spent an hour visiting the Shorja market in Baghdad earlier this week. Both declared the market to be a safe and wonderful little place.

Mike Pence (R-Stupidity) literally told reporters it was just “like a normal outdoor market in Indiana.”

Uhhh….Mike? Perhaps you didn’t notice this:

Photo by Sgt. Matthew Roe/10th Public Affairs Operations Center

Doesn’t look much like an outdoor market anywhere in the US, much less in Indiana. I haven’t seen too many outdoor markets here in the States that have armed US soldiers and shoppers in bulletproof vests.

Has the “liberal” news media been failing to report the numbers of Indiana markets being blown up?! Perhaps I should call my brothers – currently working outside Indianapolis – and warn them about the spate of outdoor market bombings happening.

Perhaps you and Mr. McCain didn’t notice the 100 armed soldiers surrounding you, who diverted traffic away from the area? Didn’t see the helicopter gunships or the snipers protecting your precious little self? Failed to notice you and the rest of your party were wearing bulletproof vests?

I don’t know about this “safe as Indiana” thing, Mr. Pence. When’s the last time you had to wear a bulletproof vest in Indiana? I used to sell stuff at the Ft. Wayne Hamfest for several years running, and – while there are some strange people in Indiana – I didn’t really feel a need to be protected by 100 soldiers, gunships, snipers, or a bulletproof vest.

To prove my headline – that even 5-year-olds are smarter than some of our CongressCritters – I asked my nephew – who will be five on Thursday and thinks Wal*mart is the closest thing to heaven – the following:

“Suppose people were sometimes blowing up Wal*mart – not blowing the whole thing up, but enough to keep people from shopping for a few days while they cleaned up – would you feel safe going to buy toys there?”

He first asked if people died, which is dangerous territory for the ‘Nenna,’ as he calls me. He lost his dad to cancer just two and a half years ago, so he’s very worried about people dying. I had a hard time deciding how to answer. After weighing the options, I finally went with, “Yes, but only a few. Not everybody.”

After thinking about it a bit, he said that would be very scary, and that he wouldn’t go there anymore. (Actually, his first response was, “Nuh-uh!” Then he told me the rest.)

I then asked,

“Would you feel safe if you got to take a lot of army guys with you and wore a bulletproof vest?”

Yes, he replied. He’d feel safer, but only if the army guys had lots of guns – and let him wear a helmet.

Unsurprisingly, the merchants of the Shorja market feel the same.

April 3, 2007 Posted by | America, Iraq, Republicans, US Military, War, Whacko Nut Cases | 1 Comment

Hysteria Reaches New Heights

Someone should get Michelle Malkin a mirror. And a muzzle. And some stronger medication.

As a member of the Bedwetters Brigade, all of whom are just certain the only big, bad boogeymen we have to fear are those who are Muslim, she stands out, only partly because of her ridiculous rantings.

Take the little “Manifesto” she posted. [I’ve used only portions of it, so as to prevent brain damage and possibly even death amongst my readers. There’s so few of you as it is. 🙂 ]

Dear Muslim Terrorist Plotter/Planner/Funder/Enabler/Apologist,

You do not know me. But I am on the lookout for you. You are my enemy. And I am yours.

I am John Doe.

I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am at your bus stop. I am on your street. I am in your subway car. I am on your lift. [emphasis mine]

Darn, there was a good start at turning it into a Dr. Suess book! Too bad it lost its rhythm and faded into non-rhyming things. A (sorta) better read would be, “I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am living without a brain. (Delete sentence five) I am in your subway car. I like to eat caviar. I am a fool and a tool. Har-dee-har-har.”

By the way, do you know any Americans who use “lift” when they mean “elevator”? No, me either.

[snip]

I will never forget the alertness of actor James Woods, who notified a stewardess that several Arab men sitting in his first-class cabin on an August 2001 flight were behaving strangely. The men turned out to be 9/11 hijackers on a test run.

And gee – if only someone in government had acted on all the reports from FBI agents concerned about some flight school students and taken some interest in that report entitled “Osama bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside the US” then perhaps James Woods would have gotten a Medal of Freedom or something for his heroic alertness, because the hijackers might have been caught BEFORE they hijacked those four planes.

Ahhh, incompetence. It’s the Republican way.

I will act when homeland security officials ask me to “report suspicious activity.”

Excuse me, Mr. Chertoff, but there seems to be a brown, non-American-looking person running her mouth on a blog, pulling stories out of her ass and debating whether or not a mosque with a hole in it is “damaged” or “destroyed.” I think she’s a terrorist!

I will embrace my local police department’s admonition: “If you see something, say something.”

Hello, Officer Dwayne? I saw a man down the street allowing his dog to poo on the neighbor’s lawn. And then he didn’t clean up behind it!! I think he was walking one of those vicious dogs, possibly a dachshund, or a miniature poodle. Anyway, the dog was brown. I’m sure they’re both terrorists!

I will support law enforcement initiatives to spy on your operatives, cut off your funding, and disrupt your murderous conspiracies.

Especially those “operatives” who are protesting the insane, never-ending occupation of Iraq. Even Quakers, and the veterans against war, and the women of Code Pink, among other “operatives” who are “conspiring” to make El Pollo Loco withdraw our troops.

Oh, and let’s not forget that “operative” who really was an “operative” and actually worked in a unit whose focus was stopping nuclear proliferation. Boy, they disrupted that “murderous” conspiracy, didn’t they?

I will oppose all attempts to undermine our borders and immigration laws.

Especially against those who come here for the sole purpose of having a child on American soil… Oh. Uhhh, sorry, Michelle. I almost forgot about you and that whole “Anchor Baby” thing.

But I guess we’re even, since you’ve apparently forgotten that the 9/11 hijackers came into the country legally.

I will resist the imposition of sharia principles and sharia law in my taxi cab, my restaurant, my community pool, the halls of Congress, our national monuments, the radio and television airwaves, and all public spaces.

Um, did we get sharia’d and no one told me? Because I’ve been to several restaurants, and the high school pool, and even a bunch of public spaces, but I haven’t seen any sharia principles being imposed on anyone.

They’re banning kids from riding skateboards, bikes, rollerblades, and any kind of fun toy in the downtown, and there are a lot of complaints about teenagers hanging out in the park. But that’s all just the normal, we-hate-kids behavior of this “neighborly” small town. I don’t think it’s part of sharia law.

Are we just running behind here in Podunk, like with cell service? I know that half of Bradford County has cell towers, but some places aren’t going to have service for another 5 years!

I will not be censored in the name of tolerance.

Does this mean we can call you Anchor Baby again without your screeching?

I will not be cowed by your Beltway lobbying groups in moderate clothing. I will not cringe when you shriek about “profiling” or “Islamophobia.”

Well, I have to agree with the first part. I am personally refusing to be cowed by Republican lobbyists anymore! But, with regard to the second: Anchor Baby, won’t you shriek about profiling if you’re pulled off a plane? I mean you are…um, how to put this delicately?….not very pale.

I will not submit to your will. I will not be intimidated.

Amen sistah! I refuse to submit to the will of the Republican Party and its Christianist radical-right wing! I will not be intimidated by the Bedwetters Brigade when they shriek hysterically about “traitors” and “unAmerican behavior”!

I am John Doe.

Pass it on.

Or not.

I think Firedoglake’s Pachacutec said it best in his Memorial Day post last year:

[…] I know I’m not alone when I say, I’m an American and I’m not afraid. I know I’m going to die. I accept that I’m going to die, no problem. What I do not accept and will not accept is the notion that I must live as a slave to fear for the purposes of craven, cowardly men who, in their time, pissed the bed rather than fight an actual war, later to become powerful and use that power to line their pockets with my tax dollars. Give me liberty or give me death. Take your “terror” and shove it.

[snip]

It’s high time for America and Americans to remember our strength. We need not be afraid. When we surrender to fear, we lose our country, we lose our faith in each other, we lose our future and we lose our freedom. The best way to honor the sacrfices of our nation’s men and women killed in battle is to embrace, once again, that precious liberty.

Maybe we need to counter all this “I am John Doe” nonsense with a name of our own.

How about: “I am Patrick Henry”?

Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775.

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen … entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs…

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.

[snip]

Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

March 31, 2007 Posted by | America, Bush, Government, Middle East, WATB, Whacko Nut Cases | 3 Comments