The Lady Speaks

Total Randomness

Weird thoughts come to me as I read my blog stats page and check my Sitemeter. I’m sharing nine of today’s totally random thoughts with you.

1.) Never use the phrase “Big Dick” in any post title. I did, and now I’m probably tops in the “man with big dick” searches. Of course, the searchees are no doubt terribly disappointed when they click and find out I’m talking about the Prince of Darkness.

Most of these hits are from Asia and India.

2.) I also get a lot of people who are using the following keywords: “hot mothers and daughters” “hot young daughters” “sex with daughter” “young girl sex.” These people disturb me greatly.

Most of those hits are from the Middle East … and southern US. Ahem.

3.) What kind of person uses the keywords “potty mouth lady Scranton” while searching for info about a woman arrested for cursing inside her own house?

“Potty mouth”?! Oh-kay…. I’m guessing that’s the kind who thinks “damn” is a curse word.

4.) I have gotten more hits and referrals on the May 2006 Memorial Day post containing the lyrics to the Big and Rich song, “8th of November.” Other great posts I’ve written – ones I feel especially proud of, or which have earned some recognition from other bloggers – well, they’re going begging for hits.

Maybe I should post more lyrics from country songs….

5.) I should probably be a big whiner or something and force people on my blogrolls to link to me every now and again constantly, if they want to stay there. Oh, and everyone I link to should be forced to add me to their blogrolls.

I dunno, it seems to work for some people, but my bitch persona gets enough of a workout without messing with my blogrollees.

(Just kidding, by the way. The great sites listed on my blogrolls are there because I like them, period. Go visit some of them. Hell, go visit all of them.)

6.) I don’t know who reads me from Google HQ, but I hope you’re the reason I’m #1 when searching for “The Lady Speaks.” If so, can I bribe you to bump me up to page one for “PA Lady” searches? Page two is okay…I guess. But that’s for the old home of this blog. This one doesn’t show up till Page 3.

7.) I wonder if the visitor from the Social Security Administration could make a little typo in my future retirement & disability awards? A couple zeros on the end of my monthly benefit would help, since – as of two months ago when I got that cool little newsletter-y thing – I realized I’m not even going to be able to afford cat food when I’m finally allowed to retire at age 95.

8.) Hits from federal government agencies scare me. Please send me emails telling me you’re visiting because you like what you’re reading, not because you’re gathering evidence for my future “crimes against the state” trial and subsequent renditioning to Gitmo.

Lie, if you have to.

9.) If you ever need car insurance or want to visit an online casino or – worse – are interested in lots of sick porn, ask me. I’ve got some 5000 offers in the Akismet spam filter. You might want to avoid using casino or insurance or sex when in your comments because it will go straight to spam and I’ll never find it.

However, ask soon, because it’s all going bye-bye today.*

Please, WordPress, for the love of the Goddess and to save my sanity – allow me to checkmark the spam and delete it a page at a time! Not this back-asswards method of hide-and-seek and then destroy all.

Do you know what it’s like to put on the rubber gloves and overalls and the gas mask, just to wade through 500 insurance and casino and porn spams just to find two real comments, and then – in a moment of utter stupidity – click “Delete all”?

Also, WP, this eff’in’ making-stuff-into-emoticons is bugging me. Sometimes, I just like to type a number with a parenthesis* afterward. But a eight with a parenthesis is a sunglasses-wearing emoticon, so I have to go back and add periods between every number and parenthesis.

Just give me a little box of emoticons to click, okay?

– – – –

*As soon as this posts.

*Yes, parenthesis is the singular. Parentheses is plural.


December 12, 2007 - Posted by | Blogging, Just For Fun


  1. Well, I responded to an inquiry about the pens we sell on ebay.
    I think the sentence started The pen is black, and comparable to Cross pens.
    Now I get all the Penis spam…
    about 50 times a day. YUCK!!!!!

    Comment by mom | December 12, 2007 | Reply

  2. Oh lordy. I’m glad my email separates that stuff out for me. The occasional Nigerian scam might get through – and if I’m bored, I like teasing them (Oh, yes, please, tell me how I can help you get millions of dollars that are in a trunk box without doing anything!) but that’s about it.

    Comment by PA_Lady | December 12, 2007 | Reply

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