10 Things I Hate
Ever wake up and just feel mad? I’ve had a couple days like that, so I figured I’d get it all off my chest:
1. Dirt Devil’s enVision bagless vacuum
I bought this thing a few months back because my previous vacuum, a Eureka bagless model, finally gave up the ghost after many years of fine service. I wanted another Eureka, but went with the Dirt Devil model after comparing features and whatnot. What a mistake!
First, the hose – which takes the dirt to the little bagless canister – goes ’round and ’round before going into a little tunnel and then, finally sends the stuff through the filter. Which would be fine, except that if the hose should become clogged, you can’t just take the hose off. Even after you take out the three screws and loosen it, it is trapped in this little tunnel-y piece of plastic.
Second, it clogs constantly. Usually right at the mouth of the filter.
Third, it either misses a lot of dirt or hasn’t enough suction to actually suck all the dirt into the canister. Which you don’t realize unless — like me — you happen to have dark-blue carpet in the dining room.
2. George Bush
Need I say more?
3. The spineless Democrats in Congress
They don’t seem to understand the concept of “counter-attack.” Should they actually try it, they always seem to find a way to wimp out in the end. “Bipartisan” apparently means “always agreeing with Republicans.”
4. Rotten, greedy, corrupt bastards – ie: Republicans
Unless it means money and power for them, forget it.
Need health insurance for your kid but can’t afford it? Too bad. Need health insurance for yourself but can’t afford it? Too bad. Lost your job after your company moved overseas to take advantage of lax laws and cheap labor? Tough toodles. Living in a FEMA trailer two years after Hurricane Katrina hit? Tough nougies.
Troops being forced to do tour after tour with little time off, then facing financial problems while waiting for the VA and DoD to decide their disability ranking, and discovering the VA is underfunded and overwhelmed? Tough shit. Soldier up, dude.
Pharmaceutical industry wanting to charge big bucks to Medicare with no price negotiation? No problem! Insurance industry wanting to make gazillions more while providing as little actual coverage as possible? No problem! Defense contractors overcharging the government for services never provided, killing civilians in another country, or doing such shoddy work on Iraq reconstruction projects that shit is literally leaking through the light fixtures? No problem!
5. People who still like George Bush
I don’t know if they need more drugs or less, but these people need to be taken off the streets for the protection of the general populace.
Electro-shock should be applied to those who still insist he’s a good Christian.
Double the voltage for those who think the Iraq occupation is going great.
All-the-way-up voltage for those who believe all of the above and think attacking Iran is a good idea.
6. Joe Lieberman
Smarmy, Republican-ass-kissing bastard, who registered as a Democrat after his “Connecticut for Lieberman” party was taken over by people who really don’t like him. But still votes as if kisses from George Bush are rewards.
7. Fat people who make snotty, bitchy comments about my weight.
Get over it. Trust me, you do not want the medical condition that causes this. You especially don’t want the long-term side effects from the medication I take to stay alive.
8. American auto manufacturers
Look, you have two big problems: you build crappy vehicles, and you still think lots of Americans want big, gas-guzzlers.
That’s why Toyota, Nissan, et al are beating your ass.
9. Global warming deniers
The planet is getting hot. Quibble all you want over the why, but the glaciers and the poles are melting, and sea levels are rising. This is a problem, and it needs to be dealt with. Got it?
Or do you want Florida to become the next Atlantis?
10. 9/11 conspiracy theorists
Just. shut. up.
Even if you’re right, what changes? Almost 3000 people will still be dead. Iraq and Afghanistan will still be invaded and occupied. George Bush will still have been re-elected. Republicans will still be corrupt, greedy bastards — and probably still having gay sex while trying to outlaw it. Democrats will still be spineless idiots, still listening to Beltway pundits and blowhards, bent on being “civil” — and still being accused by Republicans of doing whatever the Republicans actually are doing.
Kennedy’s assassination is still being debated by conspiracy theorists and nothing’s changed. Roswell is still being debated by conspiracy theorists and nothing’s changed.
You really expect different results?
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Wow! I really do feel better now.