The Lady Speaks

Hysteria Reaches New Heights

Someone should get Michelle Malkin a mirror. And a muzzle. And some stronger medication.

As a member of the Bedwetters Brigade, all of whom are just certain the only big, bad boogeymen we have to fear are those who are Muslim, she stands out, only partly because of her ridiculous rantings.

Take the little “Manifesto” she posted. [I’ve used only portions of it, so as to prevent brain damage and possibly even death amongst my readers. There’s so few of you as it is. 🙂 ]

Dear Muslim Terrorist Plotter/Planner/Funder/Enabler/Apologist,

You do not know me. But I am on the lookout for you. You are my enemy. And I am yours.

I am John Doe.

I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am at your bus stop. I am on your street. I am in your subway car. I am on your lift. [emphasis mine]

Darn, there was a good start at turning it into a Dr. Suess book! Too bad it lost its rhythm and faded into non-rhyming things. A (sorta) better read would be, “I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am living without a brain. (Delete sentence five) I am in your subway car. I like to eat caviar. I am a fool and a tool. Har-dee-har-har.”

By the way, do you know any Americans who use “lift” when they mean “elevator”? No, me either.


I will never forget the alertness of actor James Woods, who notified a stewardess that several Arab men sitting in his first-class cabin on an August 2001 flight were behaving strangely. The men turned out to be 9/11 hijackers on a test run.

And gee – if only someone in government had acted on all the reports from FBI agents concerned about some flight school students and taken some interest in that report entitled “Osama bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside the US” then perhaps James Woods would have gotten a Medal of Freedom or something for his heroic alertness, because the hijackers might have been caught BEFORE they hijacked those four planes.

Ahhh, incompetence. It’s the Republican way.

I will act when homeland security officials ask me to “report suspicious activity.”

Excuse me, Mr. Chertoff, but there seems to be a brown, non-American-looking person running her mouth on a blog, pulling stories out of her ass and debating whether or not a mosque with a hole in it is “damaged” or “destroyed.” I think she’s a terrorist!

I will embrace my local police department’s admonition: “If you see something, say something.”

Hello, Officer Dwayne? I saw a man down the street allowing his dog to poo on the neighbor’s lawn. And then he didn’t clean up behind it!! I think he was walking one of those vicious dogs, possibly a dachshund, or a miniature poodle. Anyway, the dog was brown. I’m sure they’re both terrorists!

I will support law enforcement initiatives to spy on your operatives, cut off your funding, and disrupt your murderous conspiracies.

Especially those “operatives” who are protesting the insane, never-ending occupation of Iraq. Even Quakers, and the veterans against war, and the women of Code Pink, among other “operatives” who are “conspiring” to make El Pollo Loco withdraw our troops.

Oh, and let’s not forget that “operative” who really was an “operative” and actually worked in a unit whose focus was stopping nuclear proliferation. Boy, they disrupted that “murderous” conspiracy, didn’t they?

I will oppose all attempts to undermine our borders and immigration laws.

Especially against those who come here for the sole purpose of having a child on American soil… Oh. Uhhh, sorry, Michelle. I almost forgot about you and that whole “Anchor Baby” thing.

But I guess we’re even, since you’ve apparently forgotten that the 9/11 hijackers came into the country legally.

I will resist the imposition of sharia principles and sharia law in my taxi cab, my restaurant, my community pool, the halls of Congress, our national monuments, the radio and television airwaves, and all public spaces.

Um, did we get sharia’d and no one told me? Because I’ve been to several restaurants, and the high school pool, and even a bunch of public spaces, but I haven’t seen any sharia principles being imposed on anyone.

They’re banning kids from riding skateboards, bikes, rollerblades, and any kind of fun toy in the downtown, and there are a lot of complaints about teenagers hanging out in the park. But that’s all just the normal, we-hate-kids behavior of this “neighborly” small town. I don’t think it’s part of sharia law.

Are we just running behind here in Podunk, like with cell service? I know that half of Bradford County has cell towers, but some places aren’t going to have service for another 5 years!

I will not be censored in the name of tolerance.

Does this mean we can call you Anchor Baby again without your screeching?

I will not be cowed by your Beltway lobbying groups in moderate clothing. I will not cringe when you shriek about “profiling” or “Islamophobia.”

Well, I have to agree with the first part. I am personally refusing to be cowed by Republican lobbyists anymore! But, with regard to the second: Anchor Baby, won’t you shriek about profiling if you’re pulled off a plane? I mean you are…um, how to put this delicately?….not very pale.

I will not submit to your will. I will not be intimidated.

Amen sistah! I refuse to submit to the will of the Republican Party and its Christianist radical-right wing! I will not be intimidated by the Bedwetters Brigade when they shriek hysterically about “traitors” and “unAmerican behavior”!

I am John Doe.

Pass it on.

Or not.

I think Firedoglake’s Pachacutec said it best in his Memorial Day post last year:

[…] I know I’m not alone when I say, I’m an American and I’m not afraid. I know I’m going to die. I accept that I’m going to die, no problem. What I do not accept and will not accept is the notion that I must live as a slave to fear for the purposes of craven, cowardly men who, in their time, pissed the bed rather than fight an actual war, later to become powerful and use that power to line their pockets with my tax dollars. Give me liberty or give me death. Take your “terror” and shove it.


It’s high time for America and Americans to remember our strength. We need not be afraid. When we surrender to fear, we lose our country, we lose our faith in each other, we lose our future and we lose our freedom. The best way to honor the sacrfices of our nation’s men and women killed in battle is to embrace, once again, that precious liberty.

Maybe we need to counter all this “I am John Doe” nonsense with a name of our own.

How about: “I am Patrick Henry”?

Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775.

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen … entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs…

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.


Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!


March 31, 2007 - Posted by | America, Bush, Government, Middle East, WATB, Whacko Nut Cases


  1. Darn, there was a good start at turning it into a Dr. Suess book! Too bad it lost its rhythm and faded into non-rhyming things. A (sorta) better read would be, “I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am living without a brain. (Delete sentence five) I am in your subway car. I like to eat caviar. I am a fool and a tool. Har-dee-har-har.”


    Fortunately, no liquids were anywhere near my mouth when I read that.

    Comment by TRex | March 31, 2007 | Reply

  2. TRex!!!

    Oh my god! An honest-to-Dog legend…right here….on my blog!!!eleven!!one-one!!!


    And to think my sad attempt at Seuss-ing made you laugh… Wow.

    Just… Wow!

    Comment by PA_Lady | March 31, 2007 | Reply

  3. 39 years ago today, Martin Luther King, was assasinated because he was preaching equality, and freedom, for all people.
    He is a National Hero, and my personal Hero.
    He stood for everything this administration and this particular person are afraid of.
    Dear Anchor Baby…if it were not for people who are willing to stand up for your right to spout all this nonsense, and for your rights under the Constitution, why you might be a maid riding in the back of the bus today. Freedom is only Free, when it is protected and unrestrained by fear.
    FDR said, “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself.”
    Dear GOP Members, quit taking life so seriously. None of us is getting out alive.
    I don’t agree with these bigotted, narrow minded jack-asses, but I will defend to the death their right to be bigotted, narrow-minded, anal retentive, Jackasses.
    Too bad they will not defend my right to disagree with them.
    We bleeding heart liberals will continue to cause them undue pain..
    Oh, and Rush Limbaugh, now why don’t they take away his freedom of speech.
    He is implying that Elizabeth Edwards is using her INCURABLE Cancer as a politacal ploy.
    Sad Sad Sick Sad peoples.
    Maybe they should go on some list, so we can keep our kids away from them.

    Comment by MOM | April 4, 2007 | Reply

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