When Friends Attack
Imagine being our (sad, pathetic, and mentally challenged) President.
Nearly everyone in the US hates you. Well, everyone but your cheerleaders, like Harriet and Alberto, and your “supporters” like Bill Kristol and FoxNews and the cult members watching at home. All of whom are breathless in their devotion, spending many hours prostrate on the carpet, chanting, “You really are the greatest, bestest President ever!!!!!!!!!”
You think Unka Karl and the Prince of Darkness love you, but it’s hard to tell. Karl’s always saying, “Do this, do that” all the time, and even though he promises ponies if you get it right, you’re starting to believe there are no ponies at the White House.
And the Prince of Darkness! You try and try and try to please him, just like you used to with Daddy. You do whatever he wants, so he’ll finally say the magic words, “Good job, Georgie.” But no matter how hard you try, he always glowers and snarls and says, “Fucked up again, George.”
You have to listen to people saying bad things on TV or in their blogs. Things like, “Iraq is in a civil war” and “Our soldiers are dying for a lost cause” and “The President broke the law” – when all you’re trying to do is protect them from the scary boogeymen!
But worse than being hated by the majority of the American people is being hated by almost everyone in the world, especially in Iraq!
Even though you kicked Saddam to the curb and made sure his kids were blown to bits and killed a bunch of Al-Qaeda number threes, none of your grand and glorious vision is coming true. Instead there’s all this depressing stuff like bombings and executions and….lotsa bad stuff that makes you not want to listen to your briefings anymore.
Hanging Saddam didn’t bring you the joy you thought it would, and all because the dumb Iraqis can’t be happy! What do they want, peace and goodwill or something?!
Late at night, as you cling to your teddy bear and hide under the covers so Laura can’t see that you’re still awake, you comfort yourself with your thumb and the thought, “At least the Abdullahs love me! My buddies!”
You thought Tony was your BFF, but then he went and said the Brits are going to leave Iraq. And probably all because of that red-headed kid (who’s a real prince, not like you) who’s making your girls look bad! (Why can’t he just party all the time like them? No, he had to go to Sandhurst and tell people he wasn’t going to allow his men to go to Iraq without him, even if he is a prince and number four in line for the throne!)
Just when you need your friends the most, they turn on you. They leave you alone on Iraq, or tell you their moms won’t let them visit, or they hang out with that guy, Ahmadinejad, that you really, really hate. You hate him worse than you hated Saddam, and your friend is asking him over for milk and cookies!
You want to punch Ahmadinejad right in the nose – or at least blow up his country with one of those nuke-yoo-ler bombs – and there’s your so-called friend, Saudi Arabia’s Abdullah (who’s a king, just like you, except you’re called “President”) having him over to his house for a sleep-over! But he won’t come for a sleep-over at your house in April! He lied and said there was a “scheduling conflict” and you believed that, but not anymore.
No, because Abdullah goes to a meeting and says your war is illegal! Illegal! He was your buddy when you started the war, and now he’s saying your war’s illegal, and he’s going and makin’ friends with people you don’t like. And he’s trying to take away your other friends, like Putin.
It’s like he doesn’t even care about all the oil your country buys from him! Next thing you know, he’ll be asking the Gore fella over to give one of them PowerPoint shows of his!
And the other Abdullah (who’s a King too) says he can’t come over and stay this year. Maybe next year? And you know that when next year comes, he’ll just say he can’t and that you can’t be friends anymore because he has to be friends with Presidents, not brush-cuttin’ ranchers.
Imagine being the loneliest little boy on the planet. The people you thought were your friends have abandoned you. Everyone hates you. Even Harriet’s little love notes aren’t making you feel better.
There’s only one thing to do: You’re gonna have to show people they can’t mess around with you. You’ll show ’em!
God/dess help America….and the rest of the world too.
The New York Times has the story of the back-stabbing meanie who called Georgie’s war illegal.
TeddySanFran is also talking about Georgie’s rotten jerk former friends, over at Firedoglake.
Update – 3/28/07, 2308E: More Arab nations tell Georgie to forget attacking Iran.