The Lady Speaks

What Global Warming?

Anyone who doesn’t think global warming is a real and serious threat to the planet can kiss my patootie!

Do you know how hard it is to get in the spirit of the holiday of peace and joy when not only is there no snow in northeastern PA, but freakin’ dandelions are blooming??

This is the view outside my front door today:

Do you see that grass? Green. In December. In Pennsylvania.

Usually you can’t even see the grass because it’s buried under a foot of snow that’s piled up since Thanksgiving, and what grass you might see in patches would be a dull dead brown. Usually we can’t even get the trash cans near the curb, so we perch them on snowbanks next to the street*.

And the geese are utterly confused. They have apparently decided this is as far south as they’re going. I haven’t a clue how many are living at Island Pond and the Guthrie pond, but it’s got to be close to three hundred or more.

So. Having (finally) gotten to see ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ and looking around my neighborhood, I plan to slap the living hell out of anyone who suggests global warming isn’t a serious concern.

I mean, this is Pennsylvania for Pete’s sake! We’re supposed to have snow and cold and gray skies that make a person want to hibernate. We’re at our best when there’s a blizzard. I  took my driver’s test in a blizzard, four days before Christmas! (I didn’t really have a choice; my permit was going to expire.)

We compete to see who has the best story about winter driving! “Well, there I was on I-81, two feet of snow on the ground, inching along behind an 18-wheeler when out of nowhere came this ambulance that hit a patch of ice and spun around. Couldn’t get it out, so I offered to take them and the patient in my Ford Escort. The EMTs delivered the baby in the backseat, and everyone was just fine. Got them all right to the hospital, no chains, didn’t even have studs on the tires.”

Pennsylvania without snow? It’s just wrong.

*What’s with the street, you ask? Well, the town decided to replace the sewer lines, and the utility companies decided to upgrade or something as well. So, they dug big-ass trenches down both sides and at multiple points along the length of the street. That was in May.

They then forgot about it, or something. Come September, people started getting annoyed about having to drive through what was, more or less, creek beds and craters, caused by the fill being carried away whenever heavy rains came through.

In response to complaints, the borough council told us the work would be finished and a ‘skim coat’ of blacktop put on – by Thanksgiving. Well – no surprise to those that live here – the work wasn’t  finished and all they managed to do was put a layer of blacktop over the trenches. And no, it wasn’t done by Thanksgiving. The so-called ‘paving’ you see here was put on about two weeks ago.

Still, it’s slightly better than what we had before. Those of us who don’t own SUVs no longer have to drive two miles an hour through craters, praying we don’t smash the muffler or take off the oil pan.

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December 23, 2006 - Posted by | America, Christmas, Global Warming, Pennsylvania, Weather

2 Comments »

  1. Same thing here.
    Although I have to admit that we rarely get snow but what ticks me off is that the temp hasn’t been under zero during midday yet.
    I need cold!!
    When it’s cold here, that means there will be loads of snow on the mountains so I can go snowboarding… 🙂

    Comment by AngeluS | December 23, 2006 | Reply

  2. Happy Holidays, AngeluS!

    Snowboarding – known in my family as: how to break your knee(s) in the shortest amount of time! 🙂 (Something my brother did the very first time he tried it.)

    I’ve never really liked snow and cold, but I was used to it and, like all native Pennsylvanians, figured it was the price we have to pay to live in such a beautiful area.

    As Garrison Keillor says about Minnesotans: “My people are not a paradise people.” We’re confused by warmth and sunshine during the traditionally gloomy, cold, and miserable months. More than 10 minutes of sunshine a month in the winter causes us to act in strange ways – like buying pomegranates at the supermarket. (Yes, I bought them. No, I have no idea what one does with them.)

    Comment by PA_Lady | December 23, 2006 | Reply


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