The Lady Speaks

Sweet Jeebus in the Manger!

You can literally feel the insanity oozing out of their pores over at Rapture Ready:

Is it time to get excited? I can’t help the way I feel. For the first time in my Christian walk, I have no doubts that the day of the Lords appearing is upon us. I have never felt this way before, I have a joy that bubbles up every-time I think of him, for I know this is truly the time I have waited for so long. Am I alone in feeling guilty about the human suffering like my joy at his appearing some how fuels the evil I see everywhere. If it were not for the souls that hang in the balance and the horror that stalks man daily on this earth, my joy would be complete. For those of us who await his arrival know, somehow we just know it won’t be long now, the Bridegroom cometh rather man is ready are not.

Crazed Talibangelicals hootin’ and hollerin’ and working themselves into a tizzy over the death and destruction in the Middle East. Woo-hoo! Yay, God!

Because after all, Jesus told his disciples that the greatest Commandment was “Kill, kill, kill!” and the second greatest was, “Laugh and point as people die who aren’t pure-ass super-Christians like yourself.

Honest to Flyin’ Spaghetti Monster, I hope the Rapture does come and Jesus does take these nutcases. That way the rest of us can have a nice little place to roam around in that isn’t constantly soiled by their maniacal ravings.

Here’s a thought for you Rapture-Ready folks: Go put plastic bags over your heads, and seal ’em with some duct tape. The Rapture will be there within 6 minutes. No waiting!


PS. It’s a little hard to get worked up over the Revelation prophecy, when most of it centers on war and death in the Middle East. Can anyone name a single time period when there wasn’t wars, death, and destruction in the Middle East? Was it before Noah? Moses? Eden?


July 14, 2006 - Posted by | Blogs, Christianity, Conservatives, Middle East, Religion, War


  1. [Long-winded post edited for brevity. Feel free to click the name if you’re nutty enough to want more info. — Jenn]

    Verifiable proof that “Armageddon” has begun…

    Hello all, Here’s the key to proving that the rapture and related expectations are complete nonsense based on the failure to understand (or the purposeful confounding of) the ancient Hebrew symbology used to construct all of these prophecies. Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness…

    [Accckk! My eyes, my eyes!]

    Did you ever consider that Christianity is the false prophet of the Apocalypse, that Rome is the so-called anti-messiah, and Jesus Christ is the false messiah? [Long-winded blah-blah, which will now be signified by […], okay?]

    I fully understand that everyone has been bedeviled by similar claims throughout history. Consequently, I have been forced to rely on dramatic and devastating proof of the sort that can’t be ignored or easily dismissed. […]

    Hello, my name is Lawrence William Page II. Many people know me as Buddy Page. […] I am the one called the Teacher of Righteousness by the Dead Sea Scrolls, whom the so-called Christian fathers have fraudulently recast as “Saint ‘James’, the Lord’s Brother.”

    [Buddy Page is the Messiah?!?!]


    [Normally, I’d have added this to the spam folder, but I figured we could all use a little laugh. — Jenn]

    Comment by Seven Star Hand | July 15, 2006 | Reply

  2. I love your post. I’m with you, I wish “Jesus” would get here in his spaceship or what ever, and gather up all of these crazies. Rumor has it that he will land at the Temple mount. Why do you think everyone is fighting over that spot? I think what is returning is not “Jesus” at all, but an alien reptile queen who wants to eat our children and make slaves of the rest of the human race…. but then I could be wrong.

    Comment by jeannie49 | September 14, 2006 | Reply

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