The Lady Speaks

A Golden Calf Would’ve Been Cheaper


Oh, for the love of you-know-who!

The Tennessee Guerrilla Women rightfully call her the “Giant Green Church Lady of Memphis.”

Well, here she is, the seven story green monstrosity, disrobed for all the world to see. And she’s even made it into the New York Times. Wielding a giant cross, a tablet of Ten Commandments, and “Jehovah” etched on her crown, she is the Bible Belt’s very own copycat Statue of Liberty.


Religion is big business in America, so the Christian Lady Liberty’s price tag of $260,000 is a pittance. What’s a quarter of a million dollars when your mission is to transform an icon of democracy into a symbol of theocracy?

You just have to wonder how something like this came to be built. Now, while the Church of the Graven Image does spend money helping out the less fortunate in many ways, paying electric bills and whatnot for the the disadvantaged, you just have to wonder what in the world possessed them (no pun intended).

Did the committee on Throwing Money Away for the ONE TRUE™ God go through something like this:

Committee Chair: We’ve been tasked with finding a way to show the godless heathens the right way. Anyone got any ideas?

Committee Member #1: What about building a shelter for the many homeless in our city?

Committee Member #2: What about creating a program to tend to disadvantaged youth, those in danger of joining gangs, using drugs/alcohol, etc.? We can provide them a safe place to go, where they can learn about God and his love, and we can have a positive impact at an early age.

Committee Member #4: What about building a family center? We could provide early intervention to parents and children. Help them get a good start on building a strong, loving families. Nutritional advice, budget and debt counseling, anger management and conflict resolution programs?

Committee Chair to CM #4: Look, you aren’t allowed to make good points. You’re a woman, and we got stuck with you because the board said we had to have a woman on the committee. They didn’t say anything about letting you speak.

Why don’t you be a good girl and let the men talk while you get us coffee ? Maybe make some sandwiches or something.

CM #4 takes coffee orders and leaves room.

CM #3: What’s with you saps always wanting to give away more and more of our money to the poor? Praise Jesus, but we’ve already got a bowling alley! What more do they need?

CM #1: You know what we really need? We need something that shows the whole country what we believe in – and what they should believe in too.

We need to show all those godless heathen liberals out there that we worship the ONE TRUE™ God, and that the ONE TRUE™ God’s believers – like George W Bush (Praise his name!) – want to make sure they understand that religious freedom means one thing: they do what we tell them!

Tolerance and diversity is an abomination!

CM #2: We should build a statue to God!

CM #3: Great idea – but what kind of statue? You know creativity and critical thinking aren’t part of our dogma! That’s the power of the dark ones!
Committee Chair: Let’s brainstorm – I’ll say a word, you tell me the first thing you think of, then someone else tells us the first thing they think of when they hear your word. Maybe we’ll get an idea that isn’t creative and original. America?

CM #2: Freedom!

CM #1: Freedom….Liberty!

All: Liberty!! The Statue of Liberty!

CM #4 returns with coffees.

CM #3: We’ll steal that French guy’s design, only give her a cross instead of a torch.

Committee Chair: That’s great! We’ll build a giant replica of the Statue of Liberty – only we’ll do it right and build her the way she should have been!

CM #4: Wouldn’t a statue be considered a graven image? Wouldn’t we be encouraging worship of a statue instead of the ONE TRUE™ God?

Committee Chair: HARLOT!





*shrug* Maybe it didn’t happen quite like that….

Maybe they decided to put Committee Member #4 through a “float test” instead. You know – like the good Christians did in Salem.


July 6, 2006 - Posted by | Christianity, Conservatives, Constitution, Religion, Republicans


  1. “I’ll I said was that piece of fish was good enough for Jehovah.”

    Rocks fly.

    Grab a fake beard and join in the fun.

    Great one Jen.

    Comment by Gort | July 6, 2006 | Reply

  2. Halibut! (What’s the matter with you?) IT WAS HALIBUT!!

    Comment by johnieb | July 6, 2006 | Reply

  3. More Carol Cleveland, the Witch who weighs the same as a duck in Holy Grail, who says “It’s a fair cop.”

    She’s a witch. What do you do with witches? BURN HER!

    Those are the charges, Milord.

    Comment by johnieb | July 6, 2006 | Reply

  4. Gort: Apples float in water…so do cherries…gravy!!

    Johnieb: You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest… WITH… A HERRING!

    Brother Maynard: It reads, “Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Aramathia. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh…”
    King Arthur: What?
    Brother Maynard: “The Castle of Aaaauuuggghhhh”
    Sir Bedevere: What is that?
    Brother Maynard: He must have died while carving it.
    King Arthur: Oh come on!
    Brother Maynard: Well, that’s what it says.
    King Arthur: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn’t have bothered to carve ‘Aaaauuuggghhhh’. He’d just say it.
    Sir Galahad: Maybe he was dictating it.
    King Arthur: Oh shut up!

    😆 😆 😆 I never get bored watching that movie!

    Comment by PA_Lady | July 6, 2006 | Reply

  5. Religion is big business in America, so the Christian Lady Liberty’s price tag of $260,000 is a pittance. What’s a quarter of a million dollars when your mission is to transform an icon of democracy into a symbol of theocracy? Nice!

    Your take on the Jesus H. Liberty reminded me of Monty Python…

    How do you know she’s a witch?

    She turned me into a mute! (Long silence.) Well, I got better.

    Stone her! Stone her!

    Comment by thepoetryman | July 7, 2006 | Reply

  6. How ’bout another shrubbery, with some nice laurel?

    Comment by johnieb | July 7, 2006 | Reply

  7. Another shrubbery!

    Comment by PA_Lady | July 7, 2006 | Reply

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