The Lady Speaks

Somebody please…make ’em stop!!

Remember the National Review's "Top 50 Conservative Rock Songs"?

Well, it turns out [dear sweet Jeebus have mercy!] there's a sequel.

Among the songs ranked 51 through 101:

Little Red Corvette — Prince  A cautionary tale: “Honey you got to slow down / Little red corvette / ‘Cause if you don’t you gonna run your little red corvette right in the ground.”

Gotta Serve Somebody
— Bob Dylan
  “It may be the devil or it may be the Lord / But you’re gonna have to serve someone."

Only a Lad — Oingo Boingo  A dispatch from the excuse factory: “Only a lad / You really can’t blame him / Only a lad / Society made him / Only a lad / He’s our responsibility / Only a lad / He really couldn’t help it / Only a lad / He didn’t want to do it / Only a lad / He’s underprivileged and abused.”

BWAAAHAAAHAAA! *cant…stop….laughing*  Go ahead, John J. Miller. Keep telling yourself that's what Little Red Corvette's about. Or just ask my mother, who flipped out when she heard that song coming out of my cassette deck.

Obviously, a look at the complete lyrics is needed:

I guess I should've known by the way U parked your car sideways
That it wouldn't last
See, U're the kinda person that believes in makin' out once
Love 'em and leave 'em fast
I guess I must be dumb cuz U had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used
But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right
And U say – "What have I got 2 lose?"

And honey, I say Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast (Oh)
Little Red Corvette
U need a love that's gonna last

I guess I should've closed my eyes when U drove me 2 the place
Where your horses run free
Cuz I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures
Of the jockeys that were there before me
Believe it or not, I started 2 worry
I wondered if I had enough class
But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right
And U say – "Baby, have U got enough gas?"
Oh yeah!

Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast (Yes U are)
Little Red Corvette
U need 2 find a love that's gonna last (Oh, oh)

A body like yours oughta be in jail
Cuz it's on the verge of bein' obscene
Move over, baby, gimme the keys
I'm gonna try 2 tame your little red love machine

Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast
Little Red Corvette
Need 2 find a love that's gonna last, hey hey

Little Red Corvette
Honey, U got 2 slow down (Got 2 slow down)
Little Red Corvette
Cuz if U don't, U're gonna run your little red corvette right in the ground
(Little Red Corvette)
Right down 2 the ground (Honey, U got 2 slow down)
U, U, U got 2 slow down
(Little Red Corvette)
U're movin' much 2 fast, 2 fast
Need 2 find a love that's gonna last!

Girl, U got an ass like I never seen, ow!
And the ride…
I say the ride is so smooth, U must be a limousine

Ow!
Baby, U're much 2 fast
Little Red Corvette
U need a love, U need a love that's, uh, that's gonna last
(Little Red Corvette)
Babe, U got 2 slow down (U got 2 slow down)
Little Red Corvette
Cuz if U don't, cuz if U don't
U're gonna run your body right into the ground (Right into the ground)
Right into the ground (Right into the ground)
Right into the ground (Right into the ground)

So…we're in agreement, right? This song is about S-E-X – wild, passionate, whorish, teenage sex. No cautionary tale at all – except to watch out for fast girls with fast cars.

Why not put Raspberry Beret in that list – it'd fit just about as well. 

The Rude Pundit – as usual – says it so much better than I ever could:

John, John J. Miller, Johnny J, JJ, what the fuck ever, you over at the National Review, with your new list of Conservative Rock Songs #51-101, your sequel to the sad cry for help that is the list of 1-50. Listen to the Rude Pundit. It's not that we on the left are saying, as you put it, "Hands off my rock music, right-wing scum!" No, no, we said that back in the 1980s when the PMRC (led by Tipper Gore, you know) tried to get music like "Little Red Corvette" by Prince (in your new list) stigmatized, censored, banned, even, from the airwaves or out of the reach of teenagers, the young consumers whose minds might be influenced in a conservative direction by Prince's "cautionary tale," as you say.

Warning – the Rude One's links go directly to the National Review's site. Proceed with extreme caution! — Jenn

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June 3, 2006 - Posted by | Conservatives, Fun, Music, Republicans, White House

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