Shield Your Daughters!

Okay – after that last post I just couldn't resist!

My mom and step-dad heard this song on Dr. Demento late one night, while returning from a sales show in the Midwest.

My mom couldn't even stop laughing long enough to tell me about the song – and not just because of the words. They happen to live just 45 minutes west of the Triple Cities of Binghamton, Johnson City, and Endicott NY, and actually know someone mentioned in the song. (I won't say who…)

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There's Viagra in the Water — Camille West

Just outside of Johnson City on a dark and twisting road
In a Kenworth 18 wheeler with a heavy shifting load
He was pushing through to Binghamton though the hour was getting late
He was on a holy mission, there were men who couldn’t wait
It was 20,000 pounds of Viagra
He clocked 700 miles since he climbed into the rig
Just another 25 or so would finish up that gig
But the trailer hit an oil slick and down the hill did fly
Till it landed at the bottom in the town's water supply
It was instant rigor mortis, what a hard way die

Save your sons
Shield your daughters
There’s Viagra in the water

All over Johnson City people rising with the dawn
They drank their morning coffee, took their showers, watered lawns
And who could have predicted all the changes up ahead?
Men were getting up for work and women back to bed
So many called in sick you would have thought a virus spread
Down at the courthouse coffee shop, they stared in disbelief
As a pack of thirsty lawyers started filling out their briefs
But at the local college young men appeared much smarter
No chomosomal mystery, they simply studied harder
Now water on the rocks is the latest party starter

Save your sons
Shield your daughters
There’s Viagra in the water

The Johnson city firemen they cursed their wretched luck
They could not get their firehoses wound back on the truck
Sprinkling holy water at a funeral Father Ryan said…
I know I’ve saved your souls but I’ve never raised the dead
Would a couple stong men help me now close the casket lid?
Old man Weisse just took the shower of his life
Then he marched into the kitchen and he called out to his wife
She knew something was up as he stood naked at the table
Holding two cups of coffee and a half a dozen bagels
It had been at least a decade since the last time he was able

Save your sons
Shield your daughters
There’s Viagra in the water

Believers seeking miracles, the pilgrims came in hordes
The waters of Viagra grew more popular than Lourdes
The clergy quoted scripture but they found it hard to sell
Those who chose to be anointed were pointed straight to hell
Despite the dire warning the crowds began to swell
Some hardened politicians came into town one day
With their permits and their pipelines pumped the waters all away
From the heart of Johnson city came rose the mournful cry of men

But the women knew another truck was comin’ through again
Don’t worry there’s a truck next week, we’ll spread the oil again

Save your sons
Shield your daughters
There’s Viagra in the water