Shield Your Daughters!

Okay – after that last post I just couldn't resist!

My mom and step-dad heard this song on Dr. Demento late one night, while returning from a sales show in the Midwest.

My mom couldn't even stop laughing long enough to tell me about the song – and not just because of the words. They happen to live just 45 minutes west of the Triple Cities of Binghamton, Johnson City, and Endicott NY, and actually know someone mentioned in the song. (I won't say who…)

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There's Viagra in the Water — Camille West

Just outside of Johnson City on a dark and twisting road
In a Kenworth 18 wheeler with a heavy shifting load
He was pushing through to Binghamton though the hour was getting late
He was on a holy mission, there were men who couldn’t wait
It was 20,000 pounds of Viagra
He clocked 700 miles since he climbed into the rig
Just another 25 or so would finish up that gig
But the trailer hit an oil slick and down the hill did fly
Till it landed at the bottom in the town's water supply
It was instant rigor mortis, what a hard way die

Save your sons
Shield your daughters
There’s Viagra in the water

All over Johnson City people rising with the dawn
They drank their morning coffee, took their showers, watered lawns
And who could have predicted all the changes up ahead?
Men were getting up for work and women back to bed
So many called in sick you would have thought a virus spread
Down at the courthouse coffee shop, they stared in disbelief
As a pack of thirsty lawyers started filling out their briefs
But at the local college young men appeared much smarter
No chomosomal mystery, they simply studied harder
Now water on the rocks is the latest party starter

Save your sons
Shield your daughters
There’s Viagra in the water

The Johnson city firemen they cursed their wretched luck
They could not get their firehoses wound back on the truck
Sprinkling holy water at a funeral Father Ryan said…
I know I’ve saved your souls but I’ve never raised the dead
Would a couple stong men help me now close the casket lid?
Old man Weisse just took the shower of his life
Then he marched into the kitchen and he called out to his wife
She knew something was up as he stood naked at the table
Holding two cups of coffee and a half a dozen bagels
It had been at least a decade since the last time he was able

Save your sons
Shield your daughters
There’s Viagra in the water

Believers seeking miracles, the pilgrims came in hordes
The waters of Viagra grew more popular than Lourdes
The clergy quoted scripture but they found it hard to sell
Those who chose to be anointed were pointed straight to hell
Despite the dire warning the crowds began to swell
Some hardened politicians came into town one day
With their permits and their pipelines pumped the waters all away
From the heart of Johnson city came rose the mournful cry of men

But the women knew another truck was comin’ through again
Don’t worry there’s a truck next week, we’ll spread the oil again

Save your sons
Shield your daughters
There’s Viagra in the water

Save Your Sons!

*snicker*

I can't even try posting this without gales of laughter.

Save the frat boys! From MzNicky over at Tennessee Guerilla Women:

Every now and then you come across a news report that’s just so heartbreaking, so unremittingly lamentable, that you have to stop reading for a moment, close your eyes, and take a deep, shuddering breath before you can continue.

After double-checking the source to make sure it wasn’t really from the Onion, I forced myself to read all about the crushing "epidemic" currently sweeping the nation’s college campuses: Erectile Dysfunction (ED).

That’s right. It seems there’s a pandemic of limp-dicked frat rats.

[snip]

I know that by now you are rending your garments and wailing, "Why, oh why? What could possibly be at the, er, root of this catastrophe?" And yet, you knew the answer, didn't you?, before you even knew there was a question. No, it’s not the binge drinking, the pot, ecstasy, or meth; it's not the antidepressants or the smoking, or even the sitting for hours on end stuffing the face with Chee-tos® while surfing for porn or pounding the X-Box instead of bench-pressing and hoops-shooting—although the WaPo writer dutifully mentions in passing these possible explanations for this plague of undergraduate impotence. No! It is, of course, the damned oversexed college-aged women who, through their misguided ideas about sexual entitlement, are creating this oppressive sucking vortex of tragically unspent seed!

[snip]

Still another tale of woe concerns a George Washington University manly man who is “tall and good-looking with dark hair and gray-green eyes, [a] member of a fraternity so bad and so much fun that university officials refuse to sanction it.” (Wow! Beat that, you non-Animal House losers! Sorry; bad choice of words No offense, Big Guy.) In furtherance of his erstwhile fuckability, we are told that “he works at a bank and has a job lined up after school — a fact that the ambitious women at GW love.” (Of course they do! That’s what “ambitious women” do—seek out future six-figure-earners and then rob them of their manly essences!) “He has charmed probably two dozen girls away from bars and into his bed over four years at school, all consenting partners, he says.” (Police records were apparently unavailable.) A litany of disappointing “hookup” failures follows, during which the studly dude's revolving door of receptacles all expressed such frustration and impatience that, "Not surprisingly, system shutdown ensued.”

Oh…god….can't….stop….laughing!!!!

30 days in Baghdad

In case you wondered, over the past 30 days, nearly 1100 bodies were found in Baghdad – victims of executions. That's just the bodies found in Baghdad; no telling what the count is of those executed throughout the country might be.

 

From the Associated Press: 

President Jalal Talabani said Wednesday that nearly 1,100 bodies were found in Baghdad last month, the victims of executions, and urged Iraq’s feuding factions to unite against surging crime and terrorism.

Talabani said in a statement that the 1,091 bodies found in the Baghdad area in April were the tip of the iceberg.

 

[snip]

“If we add this to the number of corpses that are not discovered, or to similar crimes in other provinces, then the total number … reflects that we are confronting a situation no less dangerous than the results of terrorist acts” such as car bombings and other attacks.

Scores of unidentified bodies turn up around the capital on a daily basis, many bound, tortured and shot execution style in what officials say is an unwavering tide of reprisal sectarian killings.

At least 3,525 Iraqis have been killed in war-related violence this year. These numbers include civilians, government officials, and police and security officials, and are considered only a minimum based on Associated Press reporting.

 

[snip]

Meanwhile, attacks continued around Iraq on Wednesday.

Near Baqouba, 35 miles northeast of Baghdad, gunmen opened fire on a bus carrying Iraqi civilians to work, then planted a bomb aboard the vehicle that exploded when rescue workers arrived. In all, 11 Iraqis were killed and six wounded.

Thirteen Iraqis were killed in other attacks, including four off-duty policemen in Ramadi, officials said.

Casualties from a suicide truck bombing in the northern city of Tal Afar on Tuesday night rose to 22 dead and 134 wounded. The U.S. military flew some of the wounded to other cities when the local hospital was overwhelmed.

 

What was that Preznit Halfwit? I didn't hear you either, Condi? Oh, you say things are just fine in Iraq? There is no civil war? Bumps on the road to democracy? Insurgents in their last throes again, Dick? 

Well that's a relief. I'd hate to think what the death toll might be if things weren't going well. 

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Photo credits:

#1 – Samir Mizban, AP File
#2 – Khalid Mohammed, AP
#3 – Sabah Arar, AFP/Getty Images
#4 – Ali Al-Saadi, AFP/Getty Images

Are you kidding?!

I have obviously gone insane and need serious medication. This isn't really happening, right?

The Republicans aren't really giving an award to Dick Cheney for his 'selfless' service, right? They aren't honestly giving an award to Porter Goss, the former head of the CIA who resigned after being caught up in Forni-gate, right? Dennis Hastert isn't really that stupid, is he?

It's all just a terrible dream, and pretty soon I'll wake up…

*pinch*

AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!! I'm awake. It's real. Oh. dear. Hannah.

*

From Raw Story via Thoughts From A Flyover State Refugee:

On Wednesday afternoon in the U.S. Capitol, Distinguished Service Awards will be bestowed upon Vice President Dick Cheney and former CIA Director Porter Goss, two former House members selected by House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-IL), RAW STORY has found.

"The Congressional Distinguished Service Award was established to honor former Members of the House who have performed their duties on behalf of their constituents and the American people with such extraordinary distinction and selfless dedication as to merit special recognition," reads an invitation to the ceremony obtained by RAW STORY. [emphasis mine]

FireDogLake has more, including a scan of the actual invitation.

It's interesting to note that Nancy Pelosi's picks are former Representative Lindy Boggs and Father Robert Drinan.

Fr. Drinan's biography is quite interesting. From Wikipedia:

In 1970, Drinan sought a seat in Congress on an anti-war platform, narrowly defeating longtime Representative Philip J. Philbin, who was chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, in the Democratic primary. [...] Drinan was the first to introduce a resolution in Congress calling for the impeachment of President Nixon over the Watergate scandal, though many of his colleagues thought that it was poorly timed before sufficient support and evidence could be gathered against Nixon. Regardless, as part of the Judiciary Committee, Drinan played an integral role in the subsequent congressional investigation. [emphasis mine]

Perhaps Nancy's sending a not-so-subtle message?